she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
