That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
