Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
