I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
