I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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