I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
