I heard we made out
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
