Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
