dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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