I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
