the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
