let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
