to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
we should paint friendship bongs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
