I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
