Joe is yelling at the trees again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
