so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
