Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
