don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
