the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
