WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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