i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
