That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
