I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
PANTIES FOUND
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