btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
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