Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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