They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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