woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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