I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
