I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
