So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
