You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Randomize
