Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
