I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
