ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
