How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I pour the whiskey from now on
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
