I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
