I wish I only lived at night.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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