Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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