i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
