R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
