All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
