xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
