Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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