There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
