i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
