Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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