My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
