Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
