3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
