You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Shame is for Republicans.
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